Show us the athlete you'd most like to be for one game.

Kevin Pietersen's 158

I'd have to be Kevin Pietersen, I'm a huge fan of Alistair Cook as a solid and dependable batsmen, but at the end of the day Pietersen, when on form, is the best in the world and a proven match winner.  He has such a good range of shots and seems to thrive on the pressure.

I think his 158 runs in the second innings of the fifth test at the oval in '05 is probably my favourite sports watching memory ever.  I remember that fifth morning it looked like it had swung back in Australia's favour.  KP came out with Glenn "we'll win this series 5-0" McGrath on a hat trick and they had an early appeal and the pessimist in me said it was a bad sign.  Then he just started hitting everything they could bowl at him - by the time he hit Shane Warne back over his head for six it was cloud nine time. 

(I apologise in advance to the non-cricket types, which is possibly everyone!)

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What's your favorite gardening tip for spring?

Hire someone.

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Share the song you would choose to come out to in a boxing match.

"I don't know about the Marquis of Queensbury rules, but the Oscar Wilde rules are shoot on sight."

With this in mind the pugilistic contest betwixt my fellow man and I is likely to be short, lasting roughly the time it takes for one to lay one's hand upon one's service revolver and shoot the poor old chap.  Not quite Marquis of Queensbury rules, I agree, but as long as one can quote Oscar Wilde in one's defence, I figure one is going to be okay.

With this in mind one has refrained from the dubious delights of Eye of the Tiger or the adrenaline pumping nature or Push the Tempo and decided to plump for the rather more restrained The Sporting Life, a rather chipper little tune by the Decemberists (Whom one has now absolved of all guilt for their part in undermining the Romanov dynasty after one was assured that they were a separate entity to the original Decemberists) that should have them tapping their feet in their aisles as they await the fight. 

04 The Sporting Life

The Decemberists

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This evening I've been looking into sending off my novel.  I've already sent for a book version from lulu, but I've been looking at publishers and literary agents. The way I see this I can go three routes...

• Send manuscripts to publishers directly. - I like this idea, however many don't accept unsolicited submissions, and at 50,500 words mine is only just acceptable.  On the other hand it is something I can do personally, and Macmillan New Writing and Random House will accept them.
• Find a literary agent.  - This seems difficult, there are thousands of them, they all take different things, I don't fully understand how it works, it seems needlessly complex and the hardest option.  It also seems that it's the one with the best success rate.
• Publish Myself. - This is what I would enjoy most. Because I'm a web designer the idea of knocking up a site and selling direct appeals to me.  The problem with this is that the internet is a very big place and I'm never likely to sell very many copies at all as I'd not be able to get reviewed or anything (I don't think?) or sold in stores.  However it does let me be creative.
  

I have also considered doing the self publishing route with a view to later getting published, but I'm not sure if having sold it myself effects that or not.  (Although as long as I keep all the rights, this shouldn't be a problem, right?)

Anyway, I am pondering all of the above.  In the mean time, have a tune..

05 It Hurts To See You Dance So Well

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Those fortunate (or unfortunate as the case may be) enough to have kept up with my previous online incarnations may be aware of the ongoing state of conflict between myself and the local sea gulls.  This has involved all kind of air raids in which they have attacked my personage with poop and even thrown a dead fish head though my skylight. 

Unfortunately it's the time of year again when they seem to make their first militant overtures toward my personage and I got up this morning to find that they had invested positions around my house which make Sparta's siege of Troy a veritable picnic. 

Thanks to the latest satellite's imaging technology and the magic of computer graphics, I can show you the positions that they have occupied.  The Captain's Cabin is, as you can see vaguely central, immediately to the west of that you have a seagull on my chimney, only yards from me and making much noise.   Directly south of me is a two gull strong battalion on the house opposite's chimney.  To the East there is next door's loft extension which had a two gull battalion this morning, then beyond that lies the next door neighbour's chimney, which was at one point earlier invested with three gulls, all bellowing their hideous war cries.  The gulls are also patrolling no fly zones to the east and west of my cabin, running as far as the street's either side of me. 

SeaGullPositions

My position is perilous and often very, very noisy.  I am assured that I can call in close air support in the form of the council, however last time a neighbour did that they shot the gull down into my yard and I found it there suspended upside down from our shed door and dripping blood, which was quite unnerving.  So, while I find the idea of shooting them cruel and horrible, there are so many it's getting ridiculous and I'm not sure what should be done.  I'd rather not spend my waking hours surrounded by aggressive birds and living like it was a Hitchcock film. 

Your ingenious plans will be, as ever, accepted in the comments.

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What work of art do you find inspirational

Glowing like a Vermeer...

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What part does the Sunday newspaper play in your life?

As I'm usually at Church on a Sunday morning I'm too busy running around getting ready and trying to find the varying sundry items I need to take.  Then when I get back from Church in the early afternoon there's usually something else to do and I don't end up with a paper.  (If I'm getting a paper on a Sunday, I much prefer to get it in the morning, for some reason.)

However, I really love the Sunday paper, so if I'm not at church for any reason, holidays, bubonic plague, failed alarm clocks, I'll meander down to the newsagents and buy a copy of The Sunday Times.  I'll start with the main newspaper then work through the other broadsheet sections, Sports, News Review, etc.  Then I move on to a skim through the property and the motoring before what is usually the highlight of the whole experience - the Culture section, that's usually really good, they have good interviews and music and book reviews always keep me occupied.  Then it's the Sunday Times Magazine, which is sometimes really interesting and sometimes a total snooze, followed by Style - I'm probably not strictly speaking meant to read that section, but they have a habit of interviewing Gisele and Mrs Mills is surely the funniest advice column in the history of the printed press...

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Which musician's personal style do you admire?

Little wing (instrumental)

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Jack Nicholson used a You Tube video of clips from his movies to formally endorse Hillary Clinton for president. Does that change how you feel about any of the candidates?

Oh yes, because Jack Nicholson is obviously a highly influential and important figure in politics, I can't think of anything better to turn to for advice on the political and economic situation.  I mean some people insist on getting the opinion of foreign policy experts, economists and wonks, but they're so naive, Jack Nicholson is clearly the most learned ambassador for any political candidate of our age.

Forget that Oba, Obum, Oba, oh, whatever his name is, - see I've already forgotten about change and hope and stuff. I'll definitely back Hillary now. 

Thank you, Jack Nicholson for opening my eyes.

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Scarlett Johannson is auctioning herself off for charity. If you could bid on an evening with any celebrity, who would it be and how much would you be willing to pay?

Apparently you can get Scarlett for $1.04 if you bid now.  That's like what? 57 pence? I'm going to say Scarlett Johannson then, and I'd pay $1.08 cents, as who knows maybe some higher bids will come in as the auction progresses and I'd hate to miss out...

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