QotD: In-Flight Entertainment

How do you pass the time during a flight?  What do you bring in your carry-on?

Having never flown yet (oh, come on people, I'm Captain Haddock! I go by boat!) I wouldn't know, but I did spend the best part of my university life getting the national express long haul to places.  This taught me a lot about what to do when you find yourself stuck in a seat with hours to pass and random people surrounding you.  It was in fact the National Express that is responsible for me getting back into reading in a big way, I love it now, but for a long time didn't read anymore, then about 2002, I was getting a coach back from Glasgow and killing time in the bus stations WHSmith when I picked up a copy of Hugh Sebag Montefiore's Enigma.  I didn't get that far though it, but far enough to get me hooked on reading again, and I never travel without a book anymore.

Another thing I learned from my days on the buses was the inevitability that in a journey that involves three stages of several hours each you will end up, at some point, being confronted by someone who is chatty.  It's safe to assume that this will never be the very cute Canadian girls in the seats in front, and will always be whoever is oldest or drunkest.  If you happen to be within a three seat radius of both the oldest and the drunkest person, there is every chance you will end up in some kind of random, bizzare, conversational menage-a-trois that would weird out even the most kinky of chat line operators.

While on the subject of conversation with these people, it's fair to assume that someone will offer you some form of food or drink.  Don't take it.  Ever.  Remember, no matter how kindly the old lady is, she made the sandwiches herself, and you have no idea if she has any personal hygiene in the slightest, or if she happens to cook her cats and pass them off as pork.  Neither does the fact that the drunk has offered you a swig of his vodka mean that in any circumstances you should accept said vodka, you should instead heed the advice he gave you only moments before and not get drawn into drink.

Of course, if reading and conversing with your fellow passengers fails to keep you amused for the length of your journey, there is another thing you could try, and that is the patience game!  You challenge yourself to see how many times you can remain calm while the person behind ignores calls despite the high volume of their Las Ketchup ring tone.

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Yarb
If it's a long flight I drink, read the paper, and sometimes write a soppy love poem. If it's short-haul I just sit there and seethe at the other passengers. I've been on the National Express twice, once on a whim and once because I couldn't afford anything else. Neither time did I notice any cute Canadian girls (and I know one of those when I see one), though I'm pretty sure there were the cute American Christian evangelistas which are ubiquitous on intercity public transit in the UK.
Pete
Yarb, seething is a surprisingly fun pass time, is it not? I have to say, I have never came across any cute American Christians on public transport, I must be riding the wrong buses, or the right ones, depending on how you look at it.
Yarb
Pete, they were on every train I rode in the UK, and that's a lot of trains. Always the same - they would roam the aisle, trying to entice intoxicated Glaswegians, addled students, and football hooligans to their creed. They were always adorable. Alas that I, an atheist, should encounter them so often, while you, a Christian, never should. But then again, what use is a Christian to an evangelist?
Pete
It is the worst or ironies, and offers a number of possible explanations, the most scary of which being the prospect that I look like a christian. I'm going to have to live in denial now, just in case it's true. I do remember getting mormons a few times, always two blonde men though, they looked like they were extras from the Nuremberg Rallies, but they said they were from Utah.
Yarb
Yes, I got the very same Mormons on multiple occasions. In fact, the mormons must have known the Christian girls - must at least have had a travelling relationship with them. They would have run into each other at Crewe station, platform 7, a rainy Tuesday night in February, waiting for the slow train to Stoke-on-Trent, and they would have got talking. Perhaps they would share evangelising tips. Lament the obduracy of the British traveller. Raise a toast to the You Ess of Eh.
Pete
Perhaps, along with this bonding and camaraderie they found time for some friendly rivalry too, and stitched motif's to their lapels like flags on the cockpit of a spitfire, constantly trying to out do each other so the other side had to buy the non alcoholic cocktails next time they met.
Lucy
[this is good]
Good post Pete, and you have touched on the chatty people thing spot on. Once on a train back from London, a woman sat in the free seat next to me, even though she had her own seat somewhere else,just because she liked to sit a certain way. She then fell asleep. It wasn't a nice position to be in.
Pete
Lucy! How terrible, it's a shame there is no polite way to say "get lost you crazy lady, that seat is taken by my air space."

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